What Doorman Is On Duty On Friday Nights?

4 min readJun 25, 2022

Um, so I got home, about an hour ago, I hadn’t eaten much all day, nice, and exhausted. I sat down to eat dinner with my spouse.

And then a llama appeared out of nowhere.

He was wearing knee-high socks -(unmatching) on all four legs, and had, or I guess was carrying, an enormous hiking bag that was strapped to his back.

Did I say a llama? Yah. A llama.😐

My spouse looked up from their computer, and said,

“ Oh yeah, that arrived for you today.”

I was like:

“what the -

But being a good host, I asked the llama if uh, he/she? Would like to join us for dinner,

(Frankly ive never spoken to a llama, and that was all I could really think of.)

My spouse again looked up and said

“I already asked him. He said he ate at Chipotle before getting here and wasn’t hungry.”

“ I have ice cream for you.” Blurted out the llama.



(um..Uh huh🙄..😐..ok. sure. of course you do)

Ok wow thank you so much mr llama”, I managed to muster.

(whatever. ice cream. sure.)

“Is that what they eat where you come from?”

(Wherever that is?🙄) realizing , of course as soon as I said it, it was probably somehow racist….

The llama simply then stood UP on his back hind unmatching sock legs, and somhow, with his front 2 weird sock leg hoofs, he grabbed the giant hiking bag off his back, and placed it on our living room floor…opened the bag, using his teeth, then reaching in with his front two weird arm sock legs, to the now opened hiking bag which was now on the living room floor, proceeded to pull out 1.. 2..3..4..5.. 6 , heck i dont even know how many there were!! They just kept coming and coming! Pints and pints and pints of- ice cream!😦

-But they were like- llama flavored, or something: sweet potato and fennel, mint, and corn, or marshmellow and carrot. Bizarre.

Then out of NOWHERE, a penguin appears from our back hallway, waddling over to the sofa, wearing one of our towels- around his waist! (My spouse later explained that the penguin had demanded to take a bath, — I guess he had also been in the kitchen, because




Nomadic procrastinator suffering from run-on sentences-caught btwn a 9 -5; an exp passport; a 30 yr mtg;+a dog who has sep. anxiety when no oxford comma is used