Revenge Is Best Served Holding a Marmot.

The pet adoption Process and it’s Nazi Rule Makers

5 min readAug 10, 2023
Ai and Francis here are my new best friends. Who needs a cat when you can have a gun wielding guinea, and a talented artist friend who will illustrate all your imagined pictures for free? : )

Recently, or over the past couple of years, I have come to get a better idea of the adoption process of animals in this country, and its absurd gstapo controllers.

Millions of cats and dogs lay await helpless in shelters in hopes that a family will see that beautiful half wit 3 legged, 1 eared beast, and recognize it, as their own.

What the millions of cats and dogs who lay await helpless in shelters cannot see, are the actual Gstapo who are in control of their fates.

I have witnessed this on not one, not two, but three occasions, where I have tried to adopt a dog (once) and a cat (twice, 2 separate attempts to adopt cats)

The Gatekeepers of these benevolent facing organization are twisted and cruel.

We have been owners of all sorts of animals over the past 20 years , none of them ever adopted. Because we have never qualified.

We have gone to all the right schools, have the ability to provide food shelter exercise and love,yet it has never been enuf, for these strange judges of character.

It baffles me as most recently we were trying to adopt a cat, who remained unadopted from January to March, and during that time, remained in a metal cage in the petsmart the entire time, only being allowed out to stretch his legs once in the morning, and then once in the evening, the rest of the time it had to stay in the cage 5 inches away from its litter and poop.

We provided a great application with 3 references including letters from 2 friends and a vet, along with contingencies plans if we died : [ like seriously? Yep seriously. ] What would we do with the pet if we died.(- in hindsight we should have said that we were decendents from the pharaohs and in our culture we actually bury the pets with us. Lol. But we resisted. We provided the proper post mortem providers and so on.

We were not the recipient of the cat.

They then tried to pawn off another cat to us, which we didn’t want. We only wanted the one cat, who weirdly, didn’t even have a full 2 ears, yet he was the cat for us.

Another month went by, and we had by that time, accepted our cat-less fate once again, and life was back to normal.

Until I had a dream that the cat that we had wanted, was outside our apartment door,

and wanted to come in.

In the dream I was like

hi buddy! Come on in! “

And we happily picked him up, and brought him inside,where he proceeded to pee all over the apartment, but we didn’t care bc we were just so happy he was there, and he was happy!

and then we taught him how to use the toilet and all was well. I woke up grinning ear to ear,

and then, about a day later I got an email from one of the Gstapo adoptee people, saying there was another cat that they wanted me to look at on their site, and I don’t even know why I clicked to look, but I did,

and the first cat I saw- was OUR cat!

He was back on the market! (Except it wasn’t the cat that their email was referring to. )

So I emailed them back:

“ I just noticed that the cat we initially wanted, was back in your cats for adoption group- is he available again?!”

Yes he was!

So of course I told them about the dream , and that clearly that cat was supposed to go to us.

I won’t bore you with the rest, but TWO MORE MONTHS went by, with yes that poor awesome cat was not in any foster home, but sitting cooped up at petco day after day.

I would go and visit him almost daily, but made my stomach turn to think this had been his life for basically half a year now.

My spouse was like “ you’re going to steal that cat aren’t you?”

I was like:

yup I’m gonna break him out of that place.

But I didnt.

I couldn’t risk having petco ban me forever. i mean that would be horrible!

Anyway, the dopey adoptee people were like “ we will discuss up our food chain and let you know.”

In the end they never gave it to us.

And in the end, they had some crazy ultimatum that the cat couldn’t be with dogs, small humans, children, other cats, or be in a place where they could go outside.

They wanted to make sure that that cat stayed indoors with no one to play with, bored out of its mind, forever.

I spent more time with that awesome creature in the months he was there, I think than anyone. The times when he got to stretch his legs, I saw him interact with little humans, other animals, dogs and cats, and play, and he was great on all counts.

But the last month that he was there he has lost much of his spunk and instead of coming out to greet people he was hiding in the back of his metal cage like he had given up on everything.

No one even noticed because they would just come and feed him and leave. But I could see it.

I do hope he went somewhere good but I’ll never know.

So I have hired a guinea pig and taught him how to weild a gun, and he is going to pretend to be lost until they pick him up and try to put him in their adoption ring. Then he will pull out his mini machine gun that he has hidden in his fur in separate pieces so as not to be detected of course, will put it back together when no one is looking, and demand FULL CONTROL of the adoption agency, and finally free all of the tortured caged felines, so they can start living their best lifes again.




Nomadic procrastinator suffering from run-on sentences-caught btwn a 9 -5; an exp passport; a 30 yr mtg;+a dog who has sep. anxiety when no oxford comma is used