Raising Adolescents.

Or How I Got Over it, and Learned to Love the Bomb.

8 min readAug 8


Breakfast at our house with our darling daughter Sally.. We are pretty sure this is a good day. Thank you AI for coming over and getting the shot. No one else will dare enter our house before school.

Congratulations! You Have Successfully Raised Your Bundle of Joy From Out of its Infancy,

Into Adolescents.

You Are Now The Proud Owner Of A Bouncing Bubbly Nuclear Warhead.

Do NOT make any sudden movements. 😐

Your first class in how to diffuse a rogue morning bomb,



Lesson 1.

Like, Nuclear Warheads, Teenagers, Are Strong, Impressive, Lethal, And Unimpressed.

So DO NOT compliment them.

Teenagers, and warheads do not need compliments from their parents.

If you want to get a bomb ticking:

just say :“You look nice honey! “

If you SAY this, or something similar,

The bomb knows you are making this up, for they have already spent 2 hours looking in the mirror, and they KNOW that they are just a big gray metal blob, that is terrible, and that nothing looks good on, and that no one wants to talk to becuase it is such an awful thing.

Your telling them that they look beautiful, or handsome in that moment,

is a lie.

They know they are horrible, and its your fault. Because you made them this way.

They don’t need your compliment.

It’s going just going to mess with their head, and put more pressure on them.

and they don’t NEED any-more- pressure!

They know what they are. They have already processed how terrible they are 120 times this morning before even coming down to breakfast . They judge themselves from the moment they wake, up til the moment they go to bed 110% more times than you do.

Nuclear warheads, while yes, they are bright, huge, lethal, and impressive , are actually, simply down right, stupid .




Nomadic procrastinator suffering from run-on sentences-caught btwn a 9 -5; an exp passport; a 30 yr mtg;+a dog who has sep. anxiety when no oxford comma is used